and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
