I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
