when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
