here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
