didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
false alarm, still single
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
