OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
im six kinds of drunk right now
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
