I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
