Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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