I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
