forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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