Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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