I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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