In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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