I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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