What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
