At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
