Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
My cat gives me a boner
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
