when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
