Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
