R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
