508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
