I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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