worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
