For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
