What a fucking waste of an outfit
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
