Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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