My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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