hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
