great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
