i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
