and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
