she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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