Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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