I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
