I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
