There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
