Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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