i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I lost the right to judge tonight
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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