i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
