Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
