When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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