Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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