Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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