Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
