can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
