omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
