I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
