if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
