Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
