..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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